|
I must warn you though there are some quotes that are spoilers for all seasons!!!
Here are some quotes that unforunately I have to work on cause I know who said most but not all and I don't remember what eppie they are all from. Deeply sorry.
"Did anyone order an apocalypse?"
"I owe you pain!"
"Weapons?!?"
"Hello...you're driving one!"
Commander: You're a dead man, Finn.
Riley: No, I'm an anarchist. (Flattens him with one punch)
Xander: Just cause you're better than us doesn't mean you can be all superior.
Xander: I'm getting sick and tired of being everybody's buttmonkey!
Buffy: Okay! No more buttmonkey
"Where is he? Where is the monster that turned me into a spider-eating manbitch?"
-Xander
Spike: Is everybody here very stoned?
Xander: Ben is Glory!
Spike: Oh look, Special Ed remembers
Spike: this one's going to be worth it.
{Spike smacks Xander upside the head}
Spike and Xander in unison: OW!
"Fire bad, Tree pretty."
-Buffy
Harmony: I've been doing my homework. Reading books and stuff.
Spike: What, Evil for Dummies?
Buffy: How bored were you last year?
Giles: I watched "Passions" with Spike. Let us never speak of it.
"I go online sometimes, but everyone's spelling was really bad. It was scary."
-Tara
Buffy: What she {Dawn} make you do?
Giles: We listened to aggressively cheerful music by people chosen for their ability to dance.Then we ate cookie dough and talked about boys.
"You're beneath me."
-Buffy
"We few, we happy few..."
"We band of buggared."
Xander: I worked hard for that money!
Spike: And you saying I didn't?
Xander: You stole it!
Spike: And you making it into a very hard work!
Anya: I let them do that. Dance together. That was me.
Willow: Very nice of you.
Anya: Yeah. I'm expecting some big, karmic reward any second now.
"Millions of humans walking around like happy meals with legs."
-Spike
"You know? I'm sick of being the guy who gets the funny syphillis."
-Xander
Xander: Who's a little fear demon? Come on! Who's a little fear demon!
Giles: Xander don't taunt the fear demon.
Xander: Why, can he hurt me?
Giles: No, it's just - tacky.
Buffy: Who are you?
Angel: Let's just say...I'm a friend.
Buffy: Yeah well, maybe I don't want a friend.
Angel: I didn't say I was yours.
Buffy: Do we really need weapons for this?
Spike: I just like them. They make me feel all manly.
"When I stop to marvel at the immaturity, worry."
"Great googly mooglies, Willow, stop DOING that!"
"I'm saying Spike had a trip to the vet and now he doesn't chase the other puppies anymore."
-Spike
"A dream is a wish your heart makes."
-The Master
"And you, I mean, you're gonna live forever, you don't have time for a cup of coffee?"
-Willow
"I'll give Xander a call. What's his number? Oh yeah, 1-800- I'm dating a Skanky ho."
-Willow
Cordy: How do I save this?
Willow: Deliver.
Spike: Looks like fun.
*Dawn gives him a Buffy look-like: Can we curb your instincts for a minute?
Spike: I'm just saying!
"A vampire in love with a salyer. It's rather...poetic , in a maudlin sort of way.
-Giles
Spike: Should have known it's you. Been nearly six hours.
Buffy: Well, it would've been less if I wasn't busy cleaning up your mess.
Spike: *My* mess? I just *borrowed* the doc. The mess is yours, Slayer. Yours and the boy's.
Buffy: I'm done.
*She takes a stake from a back pocket and walks toward Spike. He looks surprised.
Buffy: Spike, your a killer. And I shoulda done this *years* ago.
Spike looks her in th eye.
Spike: You know what? Do it. Bloody just do it.
Buffy: What?
Spike: End...my...torment. Seeing you, every day, everywhere I go, every time I trun around. Take me...out of a world....that has you in it!
He yanks off his shirt and throw is aside.
Spike: Just do it!
Buffy stares at him, then raises her stake and lunges. Spike winces, but she stops at the last minute. They stare into each other's eyes. Suddenly Spike grabs Buffy by the upper arms and kisses her passionately. She returns the kiss. It goes on for a moment and then Buffy pulls back with a little noise of dismay, bring ing her hand to her mouth. She stares at Spike and he stares back, both panting. The stake is gone from her hand. Slowly Buffy drops her hand form her mouth and walks back to Spike, putting both her hands to the back of his head and pulling him down toward her. They kiss agin, very passionate. Spike brings his hands to clutch her back, kissing her cheek and the side of her neck.
Buffy: (pantsing) Spike...I want you.
Spike: (Muffled against her neck) Buffy, I love you.
He pulls back. Closeup of Buffy staring at him.
Spike: God, I love you so much.
Cut to Spike sitting up in bed next to him. Shot of Harmony sleeping in the bed next to him. Shot of Spike sitting up in bed, looking horrified, while Harmony continues to sleep. Spike: Oh, God, no!
Spike making fun of Angel!!
Spike (in a high, girlish voice): How can I thank you, you mysterious, black-hunk of a night thing? (in a low, mankly manly voice): No need, little lady, your tears of gratitude are enough for me. You see, I was once a badass vampire, but love and a pesky curse defanged me. Now I'm just a big, fluffy puppy with bad teeth. (A girl steps closer to Angel, and Angel steps back warding her off with his hands.) No, not the hair! Never the hair! (in high voice) But there must be someway I can show my appreciation. (low voice) No, helping those in need's my job, - and working up a load of sexual tension, and prancing away like a magnificent pooof is truly thanks enough! (high voice) I understand. I have a nephew who is gay, so...( low voice) Say no more. Evil's still afoot! And I'm almost out of the Nancy-boy hair-gel that I like so much. Quickly to the Angel mobile, away!"
Spike lights a cigarette while he watches Angel lead the girl away.
Spike: Go on with you. Play the big, strapping hero while you can. You have a few surprises coming your way - the ring of Amarra - a visit from your old pal Spike, - and oh, yeah- your gruesome, horrible death." Smiles.
Tara: Maybe we dreamed it.
Willow: Right...right..wrong! Different brains.
Tara: Oh yeah.
"We made a demon? Bad us."
Principal Snyder: I can always tell when somethings wrong. It's like a sixth sense.
Giles: Actually that would be one of the five.
"Love makes you do the wacky."
"Do you stuff your own shirts or do you send them out?"
"You know how digusting it is for me to even comtemplate grown-ups having smoochies.."
-Buffy
"Oh. he's a vampire. Of course But the cuddly kind, like a Care Bear with fangs?
-Cordy
Angel: So you like it here, do you?
Spike: What's not to like? The dirt, the violence, the confusion, it's my kind of town.
Angel: You can find that all over the world.
Spike: Well it's our kind of world, the, isn't it?
Angelus: Now that's everything, huh? No weapons...no friends...No hope. Take that all way....and what's left.
Angelus plunges his sword straight at Buffy. Seconds before it hits her face she catches it. Angelus looks in amazement.
Buffy: Me.
Buffy pushes Angelus's sword straight into his face.
"Maybe it was evil lint!"
-Buffy
Spike: Come on someone's got to stake me!
Buffy: I'll do it.
*Spike gives her a look*
Buffy: What? You thought I was just gonna let that lie there?
Oz: Sometimes when I'm sitting in class, I'm not thinking about class, 'cause that could never happen, and I'll think about kissing you and then everything stops. It's like freeze frame, Willow kissage.
*A short dramatic pause as Willow smiles at him*
Oz: I'm not gonna kiss you.
Willow: What? But...freeze frame...
Oz: Well, to the casual observer, it looks like you want to make your friend Xander jealous. Or even the score, or something. that's on the empty side. You see, in my fantasy, when I'm kissing you...you're kissing me.
Buffy: Does it ever get easy?
Giles: You mean life?
Buffy; Yeah, does it ever get easy?
Giles: What do you want me to say?
Buffy: Lie to me.
Giles: Yes. It's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true. The bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies....and everyone lives happily ever after.
Buffy: Liar.
Xander: So where were you? Did you go to Belgium?
*Buffy gives him an odd look*
Buffy: Why would I go to Belgium?
Xander: I think the relevant question is why wouldn't you?
*Xander giggles*
Xander: Bel-gium!
"I told you. I-I said end of the world and you're like 'poo-poo southern California, poo-poo!"
-Buffy
"I'm the Slayer. Slay-er? - Choosen One. She who hangs out a lot in cemeteries? - You're kidding. Ask around. Look it up: Slayer comma the."
-Buffy
"My whole life just flashed before my eyes. I gotta get me a life."
-Xander
Xander: Spike? (goes downstairs) Spike? What are you doing?
Spike: Wha.. What does it look like I'm doing I'm exercising aren't I?
Xander: Exercising... naked.. in bed.
Spike: A man shouldn't use immortality as an excuse to let go. Got to keep fit for killing.
Xander: Yeah-huh. Looks like you had a little trouble upstairs. Mini-disaster area.
Spike: So what you just come here to criticize my house keeping?
Xander: No. I'm looking for Buffy.
Spike: Haven't seen her.
Xander: Well you wouldn't of. Fact is she's come down with a slight case of invisibility.
Spike: Yeah. Well huh. Huh.. how did.. uh.. (Buffy playing with his ear)
Xander: We don't know yet. Anyway she's not at the house and I really need to find her. Spike: Uh, I'll take a peek around first chance I get and if we bump into each other I'll clue her that you're on the lookout.
Xander: After your... exercises.
Spike: Yeah right.
Xander: You know kidding aside Spike. You really should get a girlfriend.
Spike: That was bloody stupid.
Buffy: What's the matter ashamed to be seen with me? C'mon he had no idea I was here. It was perfect.
Spike: Perfect for you.
Buffy: Well, picture me confused. I thought this is what you wanted.
Spike: What I want.. This vanishing act's right liberating for you isn't it? Go anywhere you want. Do anything you want or anyone.
Buffy: What are you talking --
Spike: the only reason you're here is that you're not here.
Buffy: Right of course. As usual, there's something wrong with Buffy. She came back all wrong. You know I didn't ask for this to happen to me.
Spike: No too put off by it though.
Buffy: No. Maybe .... cause for the first time since... ... I'm free. Free of rules and reports. Free of this life.
Spike: Free of life? Got another name for that. Dead.
Buffy: Why do you always have to-- I thought we were having fun.
Spike: Yeah now, but sooner or later your chums are gonna figure out a way to bring you back to living color. You need to go. Get dressed if you can find your clothes 'cause if I can't have all of you, I'd --- Hey... that's cheating.
Angel: Whoa! Whoa! Dirty people not touching the baby.
Cordelia: But pig-drinking bloodsuckers are okay? I meant that in a nice way.
"I'm pickin' up some hard-cord woo-woo vibes in the room. This ain't medical, kids. It's mystical."
-Lorne
Angel: (to a comatose Cordy) You make me so furious.
Cordelia: You're furious? I get body-jacked on my birthday and you're the one that's furious?
Angel: I had this dream that Cordy was here. She was trying to tell me something. Something really important.
Cordelia: Yes, and, and . . .
Angel: It's weird.
Cordelia: How are you a Champion? In what way are you a Champion?
Wesley: Fred studied Cordy's latest CAT scan. The news isn't good. The tests show widespread neuroelectrical deterioration.
Cordelia: That's just a fancy way of saying . . .
Angel: She's dying.
Cordelia: I think I like the fancy way better.
Cordelia: You're death? You've come to take me.
Skip: (demonically) Ha ha ha! (normal voice) Just kidding. I'm Skip. You're Cordelia Chase, right? Sorry it took me so long, I . . . This you? (points to Cordelia's body on the bed) Most people go astral, their spiritual shapes tend to be an idealized version of themselves you know, straighten the nose, lose the gray, sort of a self-esteem kind of thing. You're pretty confident, aren't you?
Cordelia: (talking aloud to herself) I want something. Hypo-something. Hypothermia?
Nev: (into his cell phone) Josh, let's get a large tub of ice water in Ms. Chase's dressing room, pronto.
Cordelia: No, that's not it.
Nev: (into his cell phone) Canceling ice water.
Cordelia: Hyper . . . hyperbaric?
Nev: (into his cell phone) Josh, make it an oxygen tent.
Cordelia: No, that's not it either.
Nev: (into his cell phone) Canceling tent.
Cordelia: Hypernia! That's it.
Nev: (to Cordy) The hotel.
Cordelia: Yes, I want to go there.
Nev: Terrific. When would you like me to Now? Now you would like to . . . (Cordy walks away, snapping her fingers in the air) Without security? Without an entourage of me? Right, I'll give 'em a call. (into cell phone) Josh, car, side door, now!
Skip: We've been over this. I respect what you're trying to do. It's noble and heroic and all that other Russell Crowe Gladiator crap.
Cordelia: You've seen -
Skip: Didn't love it. The fact remains that humans are not strong enough to harbor the visions. Period. Even the Powers That Be can't change that.
Cordelia: Then find a loophole, Skip. I know my purpose in this world, and it includes the visions. And if the Powers That Be aren't complete dumb-asses, they know it too.
Skip: (hesitantly) There may be a tiny loophole.
Cordelia: I'll take it.
Skip: (sharply) You may want to think about that. (gently)The only way you get to keep the visions is by becoming part demon. The process isn't easy. It will make your vision-pain seem like a stroll through Candyland. And even after the agony subsides, the effects from the transformation will be numerous and unpredictable. You may never be able to lead a human life again.
Cordelia: So demonize me already.
Skip: It was an honor being your guide, Cordelia Chase.
Angel: (to Connor) Hey, how's my little Magna Cum Laude, Notre Dame class of 2020?
Angel: Have you been drinking?
Lorne: Oh! I can hold my liquor, mister. Unfortunately, I can't say the same for my firewater.
Fred: Aren't they the same thing?
Lorne: Hey, Fred-girl. No, this is special firewater used to loosen the tongue of my Gar-wawk snitch. They like the water on fire, and there's chanting and a bong and look out Houston!
Fred: Are you okay?
Lorne: I was feeling seasick when we were still on dry land. Do I look greener than usual?
Fred: (about the puzzle) Are we talking a closed curve of finite length in a simply connected domain of zero? (shrugs) That would be too easy, wouldn't it?
Lorne: Oh! Hors d'oevres. Oh, really, I couldn't. I had eyeballs and insects for breakfast.
Fred: I think I'm onto something here.
Lorne: Yeah, me too. Unfortunately it requires a vomitorium.
Brian: Okay. I read your diary once or twice. Does that give you a reason to poison me?
Allie: (as Gunn and Wesley look stupefied) What? Uh.. You going to believe everything a zombie says?
Wesley: Are you saying she killed you?
Brian: I'd forgive her if she'd take me back.
Gunn: You're kidding, right?
Cordelia: (about the Nhadrahs) Lorne, do these guys have groins?
Fred: Is that really important right now?
Cordelia: Work with me kids.
Lorne: I think so. I never knew one intimately.
Cordelia: (kicks a Nhadrah in the groin and gets a loud clanging sound) Ow, ow, ow!
Angel: Guys, can I say something? Money's important (pauses) but it isn't everything. I got... I got carried away. (looks over at the pile of money) I just never had a life that was totally dependent on me before. But that's no excuse. (looks at the money again) Where was I?
Cordelia: Money's not the most important...
Angel: No, it's not. What's important is family (pauses) and the mission.
Cordelia: (after a long pause and looking at the money) They tried to cut Fred's head off. We earned every penny.
Angel: Hold the baby.
(everyone begins grabbing money furiously)
MANNY: Interesting, isn't it?
BUFFY: (fake smile) Oh yes! Like how the cow and the chicken come together even
though they've never met. It's like Sleepless in Seattle if, (Manny turning off
the TV) if Meg and Tom were, like, minced.
Buffy smiles at Manny. He is completely humorless.
Buffy walks slowly through the kitchen area and over to the
freezer door, looking around. No one else is visible. She opens the freezer
door. Inside the walk-in freezer we see a tall rack of shelves laden with boxes
of frozen meat(?).
Buffy closes the door, revealing Manny watching her. She jumps.
MANNY: You don't need to be in there.
BUFFY: (nervous) Sorry. I was just curious.
MANNY: Curiosity killed the cat. (moves away)
BUFFY: (to herself) Theory number five. Cat burgers.
Spike: Show them what?
Buffy: What did you do?
Spike: I took care of it.
Buffy: What... did you do?!
Spike: What I had to. I went back and I took care of it. It doesn't matter. No one will ever find her.
Policeman: Where'd they find her?
2nd Policeman: The river. She washed up half a mile from the cemetary.
Spike: Oh, balls.
Wesley: You're an extraordinary woman. I.. (uncomfortable)
Cordelia: At ease, soldier. Just like to hear it every now and then. I was the ditziest bitch in Sunnydale, could have had any man I wanted. Now I'm all superheroy and the best I can get is an invisible ghost who's good with the loofah.
Wesley: (raised eyebrows) I'm sorry. I missed that last part.
Cordelia: (embarrassed) You are a gentleman.
Angel: Who's doing what with a loofah?
Wesley: Not loofah. Loo...fah...noocth...skmuh...demon
Angel: (on the Blinnikov Ballet) I saw their production of Giselle in 1890. I cried like a baby (pauses) and I was evil.
Fred: (grinning) I think it sounds exciting.
Wesley: Yes.
Gunn: No. No! This is not Mata Hari. This is tutus and guys with their big-ass packages jumping up and down. This is just... I will never trust you again. The trust is gone.
Cordelia: Oh, get over it. Do we get dressed up?
Angel: Of course.
Cordelia: I'm in.
Angel: Guys, seeing the ballet live, it's... it's like another world. Gunn, these guys are tight, and you're going to be tripping out.
Gunn: Don't be using my own phrases when we've lost the trust.
Buffy: What are you doing for Christmas?
Willow: Being Jewish. Remember people? Not everyone worships Santa.
Giles: (to computer) Session interrupted? Who said you could interrupt, you stupid useless fad! No I said fad and I'll say it again!
Xander (walking in) At that point I will become frightened.
Wesley: (watching Cordelia admiringly as she leaves) My. She is cheeky, isn't she?
Faith: Uh, first word jail;second word: bait.
"For a thousand years I wielded the power of The Wish. I brought ruin to the heads of unfaithful men. I brought forth destruction and chaos for the pleasure of the lower beings. I was feared and worshipped across the mortal globe. And now I'm stuck at Sunnydale High. Mortal. Child. And I'm flunking math."
-Anya
Wes: Of course. And seeing as you once nearly had sex on my desk I shouldn't be surprised that now there is a baby on it.
Angel: Hey! First of all that wasn't me, that was some guy who switched bodies with me. And second of all (Cups his hands around the baby's ears, and drops his voice to a whisper) can we keep the S E X talk away from the baby?
Angel: Okay. (To baby) Here's your babba. (Baby cries) Take your babba. (Gunn grins.) You just take it like this (Angel lifts the bottle and makes sucking noises) and you drink, and you're happy. (baby crying)
Gunn: Angel, why don't you let me take him for a little while. I helped raise my cousin since she was about a week old.
Angel: I-i can handle it. (Walks away from Gunn) Alright, so we got a list. All we have to do is erase everyone on it.
Cordy: Well, we'll have to use it. The baby needs to see a doctor.
Angel: What? He's not sick! Does he look sick?"
Cordy read in baby book: No. But he needs his newborn checkup. The baby book says that he's supposed to have a vitamin K shot and a PKU test after he's born. Uh - are you gonna circumcise?
Lorne: "I'm so glad somebody finally said that, because sitting here waiting to die never was much of a plan. Sorry. So, what kind of genius idea you got hidden up that well tailored sleeve of yours, huh?"
Angel: Plan is I go. Take the baby somewhere safe.
Cordy: What?
Angel: He was born in a siege, he's not gonna die in one.
Wes: But if you stay and help us fight... You said it yourself: we're in a war.
Angel is putting stuff into a bag.
Angel: And now I'm in a retreat.
Wes: What happened to taking them out?
Angel: There's too many of them. I can get out through the sewers. With any luck I'll get a couple miles before anyone notices that I'm gone.
Cordy: So you're just gonna leave? Run away?
Gunn: Why not? That's what he's good at. Sure you don't wanna fire us first? A little icing on the cake while you leave us here to do the fighting?
Lorne: I thought we already established this as a bad, bad idea.
Angel: No, you're gonna be all right. Once they break the spell and storm the place they'll realize that the baby's gone and they'll go after me. Wesley, stall them if you can.
Cordy steps into his path as Angel shoulders the bag and heads for the basement doors.
Cordy: I'm sure tripping over our dead bodies will slow them down. You really didn't hear anything I said to you earlier, did you?
Angel looks down at the baby in his arm then walks past Cordy.
Angel: I heard you.
|
 |
|
| |
|
Anya: Men like sports. I'm sure of it.
Xander: Yes. men like sports. Men watch the action movie, they eat of the beef and enjoy to look at the bosoms. A thousand years of avenging our wrongs and that's all you've learned?
"Whoa, Giles has a Tv. Everybody, Giles has a Tv. He's shallow like us."
-Xander
Xander: I've got a treat for tomorrow nights second annual Halloween screening. People prepare to have your spines tingled, your gooses bumped by the terrifying (Pulls out a video and reads the title) Fantasia. Fantasia?
Oz: Maybe it's becasue of all the - horrific things we've seen, but hippos wearing tutus just don't unnerve me the way they used to.
Buffy: ...so then Kathy's like, 'It's share time.' And I'm all like, 'oh yeah? Share this!'
*Buffy punches at the air*
Oz: So, either you hit her, or you did your wacky mime routine for her.
Buffy: Well, I didn't do either, actually. But she deserves it, don't you think?
Oz: Nobody deserves a mime, Buffy.
Spike: Knock, knock, robot boy. (knocks on Warren's head) Need you to look at my chip. Jonathan: Is that like, British slang or something? 'Cause we're not-
Spike: In my head, the chip in my head.
Warren: We're kind of in the middle of something.
Spike: Well, you can play holodeck another time. Right now, I'm in charge.
Warren: Yeah, what are you gonna do if we don't especially feel like maybe playing your- *Spike turns around and sees a display of action figures, reaches for it.*
Warren: What are, wait, what are you doing?
*Spike picks up the Boba Fett action figure, removing it form its diplay stand*
Spike: Examine my chip, or else Mister (Looks at the label on the stand)...Fett here is the first to die.
*Spike holds the action figure in one hand and takes its head in the other hand as if he's going to pull the head off. The geeks are extrememely nervous.*
Jonathan: Hey, all right, let's not do anything crazy here.
Andrew: That's a limited edition, 1979 mint ocndition Boba Fett.
*Spike grins, pretends to pull the head off*
Warren: All right, dude..chill. Youc an still make it right. You know you don't wanna do this.
Spike: What I want...is answers, nimrod.
Warren: Right. But you don't wanna hurt the Fett, 'cause man, you're *not* comin' back from that. You know, you don't just do that and walk away.
Spike: That right? Let's find out.
*Spike fakes pulling the head off again. Warren yells in alarm.*
Warren: Wah, uh, one second.
*Warren pulls the other geeks aside*
Andrew: Dudes, I think that's Spike.
Jonathan: Of course it is, and he's evil. Completely capable of removing that head.
Warren: I'm gonna help him out.
Jonathan: Are you sure we can trust him? I mean, we all have heads too.
Warren: See, we help him, and he owes us one. See, we get Spike on our side, we get info on Buffy. And maybe, maybe we can even find a way to keep her out of Phase Two.
Andrew: Jonathan's right, can we trust him?
Warren: 'Course not. But alliances aren't about trust. See, he needs us, we need him. *nods* Well that's how these things work.
*In the background we see Spike pacing, playing with the action figure*
Warren: I think we're ready. Agreed?
Jonathan: Agreed.
*Andrew looks over at Spike. Shot of Spike tossing the action figure in the air and catching it*
Andrew: (to Warren) Do what we need to do.
*Warren turns back to Spike*
Warren: I think we can work somethign out. I'll take a look at yoru chip. It'll be a deal. We scratch your back, you scratch-
Spike: I'm not scratching your anything. You do what I tell you. That's the deal. Deal?
Warren: *sighs* Deal.
Spike: Let's go.
*Spike tosses the action figure to Andrew as Spike and Warren move off. Andrew catches it, and he and Jonathan look anxiously at it*
Andrew: Oh! It's okay, it's okay. It'll be fine.
Andrew: Your English right?
Spike: *frowns at him suspiciouly* Yeah.
Andrew: I've seen every episode of Doctor Who. *Spiek continues frowning* Not Red Dwarf, though, 'cause, um..
Jonathan: 'Cause it's not out yet on DVD.
Andrew: Right. It's not out on....*weakly* DVD.
*Spike scowls at them*
Spike: *yells* WARREN!
*Warren appears from another room holding a pile of papers*
Warren: Here I am, here.
Spike: Bloody hell. Get on with it then.
*Warren hands Spike the papers. Spike looks at them*
Spike: Help me out here, Spock, I don't speak loser.
*Spike gives back the papers*
Giles: Well, based on Buffy's decription, I believe the men that we're after look something like, um...Like this.
Xander: The lastest in fall fascism. I like it. A bit full in the hips for my taste. but--
Giles: Oh, I think we can safely assume they're human. So, um, no research needed.
Xander: No studying? Damn! Next thing they'll tell me is I'll have to eat jelly doughnuts or sleep witha supermodel to get things doen around here. I ask you, how much can one man give?
Giles: Not too much, I'm afraid. Um...once again I'd say that you and I will not be needed to help Buffy.
Xander: Really?
Giles: Really.
Xander: Well, how about this? We whip out the ouija board, light a few candles, summon some ancient, unstoppable evil. Mayhem,mayhem,meyhem. We show up and kick its ass.
Giles: Wee bit unethical.
Buffy: At table four apparently.
Anya: Well that remains to be unseen like you.
Buffy: Don't strain yourself. I'm invisible girl. (Xander reaches out & touches her on the [supposedly breast]) Uh. Xander.
Xander: Uh sorry. Her clothes are invisible. Buffy how did this happen. Wait a sec have you been feeling ignored lately?
Buffy: Yeah ignored I wish. This isn't a Marci deal. I don't know what happened. I left main street after getting my hair cut and was --
Anya: You cut your hair?
Buffy: Oh yeah.
Anya: Really? How short?
Buffy: About up to here. Well if you could see my hand it's kind of above my shoulders.
Anya: hat sounds so adorable I was thinking about getting my hair cut before the wedding.
Xander: Can we get back to freaking out about no-show Buffy? This is serious.
Buffy: I know. Kinda fits the day I've had. Willow's still a wreck. Dawn's still mad at the both of us. And the social service lady put me through a wringer. Says she's gonna watch me. I'd like to seeh er try now. You know there may be an upside to no-see me.
Xander: Buff did you see anyone or anything suspicious before you.. cleared up?
Buffy: Nope didn't see nothing. Hmm. See what I did there with the eyeballs?
Anya: Why would anyone make her invisible anyway? I mean invisible slayer's gotta be way more effective than the standard variety.
Xander: Yeah. I'm less with the why and more with the how? We get the how then we got the how to make her unseen sight seen again right?
Buffy: (holds a skeleton) It's all right.
Xander: Buffy could you focus please.
Buffy: I am... just this is kidna fun.
Anya: It would help if we had a little more to go on or anything to go on.
Xander: Well I could go check the spot where Buffy disappeared. You know snoop for clues.
Buffy: Yeah. Right. Uh hey, you know what, I'm just gonna go for a walk.
Xander: A walk?
Buffy: Yeah clear my head. You guys keep working on the whats and the hows. Hmm. (sings)Clear my head.
Xander: Buffy.
Anya: Well seems pretty obvious it's some kind of spell that's done this to her.
Xander: Spell from who? You said it yourself. It makes no sense for one of her enemies to make her invisible.
Anya: Maybe it's a mistake.
Xander: A magical mistake. Who'd be messing with that kind of pow--
Xander: Willow, we need to talk.
Willow: We are talking. Well I'm talking and you're looking at me funny.
Xander: Is there something you want to tell me?
Willow: It was nothing. I - I - I didn't slip.
Xander: Will, nobody's mad, relapse is a part of recovery. We understand that. We just have to figure a way to fix it.
Willow: Fix what?
Xander: Fix Buffy.
Willow: Buffy's broken?
Xander: You knwo what I'm talking-- you don't know. Rhymes with Blinvisible?
Willow: What?
Xander: Buffy was in town leving the hair cutting place when she suddenly
Willow: Buffy got her hair cut?
Xander: Yeah, adorable apparently since she's all blinvisible.
Willow: And you think I have something to do with this?
Xander: No. Not - Well come on Will. Some of the spells you've done has caused some weird stuff to happen at one time or another and let's not forget the recent forgetting.
Willow: Oh. I see. So now when anything nasty happens I get conveniently blamed for it?
Xander: No one's blaming.
Willow: So I guess it wouldn't matter if I just jumped off the wagon completely, since you already think I'm making pit stops.
Xander: Well look if you say you didn't do it. Where are you going?
Willow: For a walk.
Buffy: Hmm. So long copper.
Cop Person: Hey! Hey! That's mine! Stop!
Buffy: Hello Mrs. Crogger.
Mrs. C: What? Where's my... Losing my mind. Ok who's the
Buffy: Kill. Kill. Kill!
Mrs. C: What?
Blond Lady: I didn't say anything.
Mrs. C: Not you the mug, but I uh heard something.
Buffy: Kill Doris kill everybody. You know you want to.
Mrs. C: Shut up! Just shut up!
Willow: I'm gonna find this van that's been stalking Buffy. By the way where is Buffy?
Spike: Hey watch it. A ghost is it? GO on to the living like a good spook. . . (sighs) Buffy?
Buffy: I told you stop trying to see me.
Anya: Oh I got it.
Xander: Really?
Anya: Yeah we'll put D'Hoffryn at you're parent's table and move your Uncle ROry at table five near the bar.
Xander: An, honey we're looking for invisibility spells here.
Anya: Well obviously, I haven't found anything yet. At least nothing that would explain why things near Buffy become invisible. . (touches pylon, hand goes through) Eww! Xander.
Xander: What happened?
Anya: An unpleasant tactile experience. Like putting my hand in pudding.
Xander: (Puts hand in it) Eww!
Anya: Like pudding am I right?
Xander: We have to find Buffy. She's got to know.
Anya: I don't think Buffy's going to be too broken up over a pylon.
Xander: Anya, whatever's happening to the pylon will probably happen to her. If we don't find Buffy I mean if we don't figure out how this was..
Anya: She's pudding?
Dawn: Stop it. Just stop!
Buffy: Sorry Dawn. I'm sorry I didn't mean to freak you out.
Dawn: What'd you think would happen? You're freakin' invisible Buffy.
Buffy: Xander and Anya are working on it. Muldering out what happened to me.
Dawn: What about you. Shouldn't you be working on it?
Buffy: Of course I am --
Dawn: Do you even care about who did this to you or- or if you're gonna be stuck this way?! You're making jokes and flying pizza's.
Buffy: I don't think that's --
Dawn: I can't talk to you like this! I can't see you. How can I talk to you if I can't see you?! (runs off)
Buffy: Dawn! Dawn! Dawn!
Xander on the message machine: Buffy. It's Xander. Where are you? Listen we got a new problem here.
Anya: Tell her.
Xander: I'm trying to but.. Anya and I think that whatever made you invisible is slowly killing you.
Anya: Tell her about the pudding.
Xander: Buff, if we don't. If this isn't reversed then well - you'll dissolves or fade into nothing.
Buffy: Wow
Angel: "I love you...I try not to but I can't stop!"
Buffy: "Me too, I can't either."
"Since Angel lost his soul, he's regained his sense of whimsy."
-Giles
Wesley: Stay calm, Mr. Giles. We have to stay calm.
Giles: Well, thank God you're here. I was planning to panic.
Buffy: Angel, when I look into the future...all I see is you. All I want is you!
Angel: I know the feeling.
"Yeah, baby...I'm back."
-Angel
Lorne: (groans, looking very disheveled with broken horn) Oh, for the love of God, somebody get me a Sea Breeze.
Fred: Lorne! What happened?
Lorne: I can't really talk about it.
Gunn: Then how are we supposed to find them, so we can kick their asses?
Lorne: No, I mean I can't talk about it. They cast a spell. I went down to the (mumbles incoherently) See?
Angel: Did you get the information?
Lorne: (sarcastically) Oh, why, yes, Angel. My horn should grow back in a couple of days. So kind of you to be concerned.
Cordelia: This is a mall.
Skip: We just figured you'd be more comfortable here.
Cordelia: We?
Skip: The Powers That Be.
Cordelia: The Powers That Be pops me out of my body and sent me to a mall?
Skip: Actually, this is more the construct of a mall. You know, like in The Matrix.
Cordelia: You've seen The Matrix?
Skip: Oh, I love that flick. When Trinity's all, "Dodge this!" and the agent just crumbles to . . . (pauses) and I'm not really instilling any awe anymore, am I?
Cordelia: You mean, Doyle gave me the visions because he loved me?
Skip: I can't answer that. What I can tell you is that is was a mistake.
Cordelia: But I thought the Powers That Be knew everything?
Skip: Life and death, that sort of thing, they got a handle on. Who somebody chooses to love, well that's good old free will.
Tammy: (Old-English accent) We wasn't meant to have the visions, us humans. If you want my advice, you'll listen to our man Skip here. He won't steer you wrong, this one.
Skip: (flattered)Oh, get out of here. (seriously)Really, get out. I've got work.
Skip: Now what if the play ran a little differently? (demonstrates with highlight lines on the monitor screen) You're on the sideline, over here, talking to a couple of wanna be moguls. Angel is downfield here. Instead of cutting to the middle to meet Angel, what if you'd been forced to counter? What if this guy, who happens to be a very powerful talent agent, flanks you, drew you offsides? What would happen then?
Cordelia: I'd, uh, score a touchdown?
Skip: Metaphorically speaking, heck, yeah!
Wesley: (watching Fred with Connor) Adorable.
Gunn: So sweet.
Wesley: I meant the baby.
Gunn: I meant the hot mama.
"If this about the baby formula I snagged from the fridge last night, sorry. I was feeling a little peckish, and it was that or a glass of pig's blood. And by the way, baby formula and kahlua, not as bad as it sounds."
-Lorne
Angel: Lorne, I need you to use your contacts and find out what Holtz is up to. He's out there somewhere, and we can never forget that. Finding him is our number one priority.
Gunn: I thought you said...
Angel: Finding Holtz and making money are our two number one priorities.
Cordelia: (clears throat)
Angel: Helping the helpless, finding Holtz, and making money are our three number one priorities.
Holtz: We are here to determine whether or not you have the commitment necessary for the work at hand.
Justine: At hand? That's a joke, right?
Holtz: Why are you wasting my time?
Justine: What do you want from me?
Holtz: I just told you. Commitment. Something you must now convince me you have. (camera pans down to a screwdriver skewering Justine's hand to the table) So I've explained why I'm doing this. Why are you?
Justine: Let's just say feeling something is better than feeling nothing.
Wesley: (about his web articles on DNA Fusion Comparisons and Tri-ped Demon Populations) It's an exciting arena.
Lorne: But one I'm sure we can all download at: I'll-never-know-the-love-of-a-woman-dot-com. Can we get down to business?
Wesley: (on solving the Nhadrahs' puzzle) Could be interesting.
Fred: Oh sure. These are puzzle people. Did you notice the designs on their tunics? Geometric shapes, each a prime number if you count the edges. Arranged in ascending order of exponential accumulation.
Wesley: Yes, I did (pause) not notice that at all.
Fred: Did I say something wrong?
Lorne: No, no, no. They liked you.
Fred: So much they ran away?
Lorne: Something came up. They either have to consult with the Prince or go eat a cheese monkey. Did I mention rusty with the lingo?
Sam: You have much experience with vampires?
Angel: (straight faced) Some.
Sam: Yeah, well, not like these. They're not out for blood. They want money.
Angel: Money?
Sam: Yeah, I know. Who ever heard of a vampire out to make a buck, right?
Angel: (laughs)
MANNY: I'm Manny the manager. It's not a joke, it's just my name.
BUFFY: Right. Y-you mentioned that a couple of times when I filled out the
application.
MANNY: Why do you want to work here, Buffy? You seem like a sharp young woman,
and there are a lot of other jobs.
BUFFY: Well, I-I kinda need money pretty quickly, like, today, and, and so I
didn't want to go through a lengthy interview process, and I figured this was
probably the fastest... way... to...
She pauses as she catches sight of Manny's stern face.
BUFFY: Be...cause I ... wanted to be part of the DoubleMeat experience?
Manny smiles and nods.
BUFFY: There you go, and I double-sized it for ya.
XANDER: Oh, thank you!
BUFFY: And cut way back on the cat.
XANDER: (mouth full) Cat?!
BUFFY: Just kidding. Probably
Buffy: Are you sure?
Tara: I double-checked everything. There's nothing wrong with you.
Buffy: Then why can Spike hurt me?
Tara: Well I said there was nothing wrong with you, but you are different. Shifting you out of- - F-From where you were, funneling your essence back into your body, it altered you on a basic molecular level. Probably just enough to confuse the sensors or whatever in Spike's chip, but it's all just surfacey, physical stuff. It wouldn't have any more effect then a bad sunburn.
Buffy: I didn't come back wrong.
Tara: No. You're the same Buffy. With a deep tropical cellular tan.
Buffy: You must've missed something. Will you check agin?
Tara: Buffy. I promise there's nothing wrong with you.
Buffy: There has to be this can't be me. It isn't me. Why do I feel like this. Why do I let Spike do those things to me?
Tara: You mean hit you? ... Oh. Oh. Really?
Buffy: He's everything I hate. He's everything that I'm suppose to be against. But the only time that I ever feel anything is when... Don't tell anyone, please.
Tara: I won't.
Buffy: The way they would look at me. I -- I just couldn't.
Tara: I won't tell anyone. I wouldn't do that.
Buffy: Why can't I stop? Why do I keep letting him in?
Tara: Do you love him? IT's ok if you do. He has done a lot of good and he does love you. And Buffy, it's ok if you don't. You're going through a really hard time and you're...
Buffy: What? Using him? What's ok about that?
Tara: It's not that simple.
Buffy: Is is. It's wrong. I'm wrong. Tell me that I'm wrong, please. Please don't forgive me. Please. Please don't forgive me.
Willow: *sarcastically* Oh right me and Oz play Mistress of Pain every night.
Xander: Did anyone else just go to a scary visual place?
Buffy: Oh, yeah!
"Demons after money. Whatever happened to the still-beating heart of a virgin? No one has any standards anymore."
-Giles
"See I've been saying for years that the lunch lady was going to do us all in with that Mulligan stew. I mean what the heck's a mulligan?"
-Xander
Buffy: *to Giles* Sure, we can work out after school. You know, if you're not too busy having sex with my *mother*!
Giles: *walking into a tree* Ungh!
Mayor: She's pretty Angel. A little skinny. Still don't understand why it coudln't work out with you and my Faith. Guess you kinda just have strange taste in women.
Angel: Yeah, well. What can I say? I like 'em sane.
Cordelia: (on Fred) Shes got the big puppy love. I mean, who wouldnt? Youre handsome and brave and heroic, emotionally stunted, erratic, prone to turning evil, and lets face it, a eunich.
Angel: Hey! How can you Im not a eunich.
Cordelia: Angel, its just a figure of speech.
Angel: Find another one.
Cordelia: I just mean that sex is a no-no for you because of the whole if you know perfect bliss youll turn evil curse. Really no cure for that, is there?
Wesley: (about Angel making out with someone on his desk) This isnt like him.
Cordelia: What? This is totally like him. Doing the mystery dance with some cheap blonde?
Fred: Brunette. She was a cheap brunette.
Cordelia: Youre right. This isnt like him.
Angel: I dont think you really know what youre getting into.
Marcus: Oh, I know what Im getting into. Youre the one who doesnt seem to know what you had. As far as I can tell, you were the worlds worst vampire. Vampires dont help people, you moron! They kill em. Here, let me show you.
Angel: You may have the attitude, and you may have the power, but theres one thing you dont have, and never will. Friends. Four of them, standing behind you with big, heavy things.
Marcus: Guys. Its about time. Its him, hes the one thats been casting that spell.
Cordelia: Youre Angel? With that cologne? I dont think so.
Cordelia: (after zapping Marcus unconscious with a taser gun) God, I love technology. (to Angel) Are you all right?
Angel: I gotta pee.
Angel: Ill tell you why you have a weak heart Marcus. You never use it.
Angel: Fred, Ive been meaning to talk to you about something.
Fred: Mm-hmm. OK. (chuckles) Is this about how youre not like other men, what with that curse and all, and how youre really fond of me but thats as far as it goes?
Angel: Umm, yeah.
Fred: Cordelia explained it to me. She said youd probably just screw it up.
Angel: Oh, she did, did she? Well, shes probably right.
Fred: (sighs)
Angel: What?
Fred: Its like something out of Fitzgerald. The man who can have everything but love. Well, maybe in some ways, youre better off. Because love is, well in a way, its everything. But its also heartache and disappointment. And those are good things to avoid.
Cordelia: (excited) Angel. Willows on the phone. Shes alive! Buffys alive! (Angel looks at Fred, then runs)
Fred: (not understanding) Buffy?'
VAMP: What's that smell? (sniffing) Geez, Slayer, is that you?
BUFFY: I've been working!
VAMP: Where, in a slaughterhouse?!
BUFFY: (pouts) Double Meat Palace.
VAMP: Ohhh. You know what? Let's just call it a night. (Buffy looking surprised) If it's all the same to you, and you've been eating that stuff, I'm not so sure I wanna bite you.
BUFFY: You're dead! You smell like it! (vamp shrugging and nodding) How do you get to say I'm the one who's stinky? (pouting)
VAMP: Really, it's, it's cool, I'll just catch you next time. SPIKE: Why not? (pouting)
BUFFY: Dawn. (looks toward the house) She's inside waiting for dinner, she's counting on me. I'm not letting her down by letting you in.
SPIKE: So it's the fear of getting caught, then, is it?
BUFFY: Reason number one on a very long list. (turns to go)
SPIKE: Needn't be an obstacle. BUFFY: (sighs) Spike, I mean it. Come on.
SPIKE: I hear you're serious. So am I. I want you ... you want me... ...I can't go inside, so ... maybe the time is right ... for you to come outside. BUFFY: I-I know it's not the most original these days, but ... I made it myself. I-I made hundreds, actually, but this is the, the very best one.
DAWN: It ... looks kinda squished.
BUFFY: Oh, well just, you know, just... (takes the sandwich and slaps it lightly a few times) give it a sec. (Dawn looking disgusted) Yeah, these babies really bounce back. Literally. RILEY: You know, there's not many people I'd ask to risk their life for me, Buffy. It's really good to see you.
BUFFY: Thanks.
RILEY: You're welcome. And Buffy ... love the hair. BUFFY: Im not here to- And I'm not here to bust your chops about your stupid scheme, either. That's just you. I should have remembered.
SPIKE: So this is worse then, is it, this is you telling me-
BUFFY: It's over.
SPIKE: (smiles, moves closer to her) I've memorized this tune, luv. Think I have the sheet music. Doesn't change what you want.
BUFFY: I know that. (pauses) I do want you. (Spike looking surprised) Being with you ... makes things ... simpler. For a little while.
SPIKE: I don't call five hours straight a little while.
BUFFY: I'm using you. . . I can't love you. I'm just ... being weak, and selfish...
SPIKE: (moves even closer) Really not complaining here.
BUFFY: ...and it's killing me. I have to be strong about this. I'm sorry ... William.
|
|
|
|
